My Diary
by lindz1
Summary: NEW CHAPTERS! Lily has finally got her man where she wants him, but everyhting gets a violent throw on its head. What's going on? What does Dumbledore have in store for the young couple soon to be the Potters?
1. Hogwarts for the Last Time

**Prologue**

This journal was presented to Lily Evans as she is attending Hogwarts for her last year.

With love, Mum xx

**31st August**

**1 Day to Go!!!**

I have basically pulled my bedroom apart, and I still can't find it.

I've taken everything out of my wardrobe, everything out of my draws, I've stripped my bed, and its nowhere to be found. I've even dug through the remains of dead mice and cat droppings, but all in vain. It is not it Ebony's litter tray.

It is not anywhere in my room.

I take one last look in my trunk, shifting everything. Books, parchment, ink bottled, quills, clothes - the lot.

I reach my uniform. And there it is. Pinned to my robes - my Head Girl badge. Exactly where an organized, sensible person would put it.

So not me.

**1st September**

**Compartment 14 **

**Waiting for Anna and Rachel**

Why does it always seem that I am the one waiting for them? We always meet in Compartment 14. Where could they be? It is almost five minutes to eleven. I am a paranoid person. I am worried. Why are they not here?

**Still 1st September**

**Still Compartment 14**

**Still Waiting for Anna and Rachel**

It is now exactly three minutes to eleven. I am desperate. Where are they?

Ah, a shadowy figure at the door? Who could that be?

**Later**

What a surprise. Potter. But, without his posse. How strange. (?)

'Alright there, Lily?'

He stood there, not cocky, not grinning maliciously, not ready to pull a prank on me. He wasn't leaning against the doorframe, sporting his usual playing-it-cool approach.

But it wasn't just his whole attitude that freaked me. It was the fact that, for the first time that I could remember, he had called me by my first name.

Not Evans.

Lily.

I looked at him, confused. What was going on here?

'You're friends a bit late?' he said, taking a step inside the compartment.

'Um…' I trailed off, unsure of his motives.

He sighed, ran his fingers through his messy hair - a hugely irritating habit of his. That got me. However un-cocky, un-arrogant, un-conceited he seemed on the outside today, he was still Potter on the inside.

'Well, I don't see your friends anywhere either,' I said, raising one eyebrow. 'Got a bit fed up of you, have they? Took them long enough.'

I am often quite abrasive towards him, but he remained unruffled.

'Actually, I came to see you.' He pointed to my chest. 'Head Girl?'

'Yeah, what about it?' I replied coolly.

He showed me a badge on his robes. Oh no.

'Guess we're in it together then Lil?' he said, flopping beside me on the seat. I turned to him.

'For one thing, I am grateful for your sudden decision to call me by my first name, but my name is not Lil, Potter - it's Lily.' I replied coldly.

'Okay, okay.'

A little smile played about his face.

'So if you're going to be Lily, I'm going to be James, alright? Not Potter - James.'

'Whatever.'

I began writing in this journal again, sending put psychic vibes to Potter indicating him to go away. But I suppose that Potters don't have the talent of being able to understand psychic vibes as well as Evans'.

He shook his head in mock despair.

'You are a hard woman to please, Lily.'

'Embrace it. Fear it.'

I responded dully, not looking up at him.

As you can probably tell, I am not perturbed by his comments. Well, not often. It is correct that redheads have fiery tempers, so when I do get a little feisty, it is my genetics' fault.

He casually flicked his wrist, checking the time. 'We'd better go.'

'We?'

'Yeah, head Boy and Head Girl. There's a reserved compartment for us at the end of the train. C'mon. Dumbledore wants us to have a meeting before we get to school.'

I ripped a sheaf of paper from this book and have written a note to Anna and Rachel explaining my disappearance.

More later.

**Head Compartment**

I am officially freaked out.

James Potter, it turns out, can understand _some_ psychic vibes sent out to him by Lily Evans. He was actually nice for a change. But what's more, I was nice back to him.

'So.' he said, glancing at his reflection in the window as we walked by the endless carriages. I rolled my eyes. Typical Potter.

'What subjects are you doing this year?' he asked finally.

'Oh, all the old ones except I'm not doing Divination - it was a complete waste of time, and I'm doing double Defence Against the Dark Arts instead.' I replied. 'What about you?'

'Oh, same.' he nodded. 'Listen, Lily…'

'Yeah?'

'You know this is our last year at Hogwarts, right?'

'Yeah..' I said slowly.

'Well, can we just forget all the pranks and stuff, and… you know… be friends?'

'What?' I stared at Potter in amazement. There was almost a guilty loom in his eyes. Something must have triggered a new hormone in his brain during the summer. I could not seriously believe a word I was hearing. Was this the same Potter who had repeatedly pulled pranks on me? Repeatedly treated me like a worthless human being? Repeatedly asked me out, only to be turned down again?

Everyone is here now. I think we'd better begin.

**Later, back in Compartment 14**

We are all playing Exploding Snap. Well, I'm not. I'm writing in this journal in between my go's.

By all I mean me, Anna and Rachel.

I hadn't seen Anna or Rachel since three weeks into the holidays when we all met up in Diagon Alley for a shopping spree, on account of Rachel's birthday.

I gave her a really long fluffy green scarf and a customized notebook. I personalized it myself. I borrowed my mum's glue-gun, which she uses for card making, and bought a load of rhinestones, glitter and sequins and stuck them all over the front cover of the book. But I did it creatively, so it looks pretty good. I wrote her name in fancy italic writing on the inside cover, and decorated it with a few fake diamonds.

Rachel is a huge fan of customisation, Muggles and quirky retro stuff.

Anna gave her a bottle of Unpoppable Bubble Bath and a pink cat collar with _Marlin_ stitched in purple thread for her cat. And a Honeyduke Deluxe Gift Box.

Marlin and Ebony were lazing on a seat near the window. I stroked Ebony's back, and she purred loudly.

Ebony is my beautiful jet black cat. Sometimes she is the only person I can confide my feelings in. Besides this journal, of course. I share almost everything with Anna and Rachel, but there are some things, and only a few, that I like to keep to myself. Like just how nice James Potter's eyes are.

Did I, Lily Evans, just compliment Potter?

I think it must be pre-Hogwarts excitement kicking in. Or PMS.

Anyway - Anna (whose eyebrows are furrowing in the cutest way as she concentrates) is my equally-best friend as well as Rachel. She is very nice, very pretty and very smart. She is also my textbook when I need to revise for a test.

I think I will stop writing now, as I am giving this square of cardboard and paper much more attention than I am giving the food-trolley, which has just arrived at our compartment.

**2nd September**

**Lunch**

I am sorry that I didn't write last night. The feast, as always, was delicious, and I was so full of food, and so full of sleepiness, that I could barely slip into my PJ's and drag myself over to my bed, let alone pick up a pen and write.

But I am fully refreshed now, and full of gratefulness for a certain person called Remus Lupin.

He has just saved me!

Saved me, from the greatest peril of failing my Defence Against the Dark Arts NEWT!!! He is the best student at it, except perhaps Snape (ugh!) and maybe Sirius, but whatever! Remus is my tutor! I CANNOT FAIL!!!!

Let me just say, for the sake of whatever, I absolute suck at Defence Against the Dark Arts. Well, maybe not so much practical, but theory - yup!

Anyways, that exciting news is out of the way. Oops, I just spilt steak and kidney pie on this page. A little Scernio Charm will sort that out.

'You got Lupin as a tutor? I'm so jealous!' moaned Anna. She replayed what she had just said, looked fleetingly startled, then added 'I mean, he's like the best at Dark Art stuff!'

I have a secret idea that maybe she likes Lupin a little. She glanced quickly over at him, pushing her glasses up her nose. She has the cutest splatter of freckles on her nose.

Please excuse my randomness. I am a very random sort of person, and I am prone to making all sorts of random comments about random things at random moments in time.

Like the fact that this steak and kidney pie is actually very good pie. It goes well with pumpkin juice.

Rachel is buried in another book - _Modern Giants_ by Professor Hugh Mungus. She is fascinated with Care of Magical Creatures, giants, house-elves, gnomes, goblins… Name any magical creature and she'll be fascinated.

I don't have a particular interest in any subjects. Anna, who comes form a completely magical background, is fascinated with Muggles. Rachel is both - her mum is Muggle, her Dad's a wizard. We all know that blood has no effect on how good a witch/wizard you are. For instance, (not meaning to sound big-headed) I am Muggle born, and better at Transfiguration than both of them put together.

But saying that, I need a Defence Against the Dark Arts tutor, so I can't really talk.

This morning consisted of Double Potions, Care of Magical Creatures and Arithmancy. This afternoon is Care of Magical Creatures and Charms.

I think I will use the half hour I have spare (I have finished my pie) to start on the Blistering Blend essay for Professor Marchant.

I am now going to excuse myself from the company of Anna and Rachel, and meet them in Care of Magical Creatures.

**The Library**

Okay, I lied. I am not writing my essay, although I have tried.

Here is my first starting sentence (I cut it out of the parchment and have taped it in here - as you can see)

The Blistering Blend is a complex Potion made from an assortment of ingredients, such as the rare Milkweed leaves, Kingthorn roots, and lash flies simmered at night during a full moon.

Suddenly, a shadow looms over my work. I see Potter standing there, clutching parchment and a quill.

'Lily? Are you doing the essay for Marchant?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Oh, well I've just started,' he said, 'and I've got stuck, and I was wondering if -'

'If I would help you?'

I paused, considering. I could also do with some help, I thought. I shifted some of my books and made a space on the table.

'Is that a yes?' he asks.

'No, of course not. I'm just moving my stuff because I feel like it.'

'Oh.' He sits down. We talk over the subject, try to remember what Marchant told us during the lesson. Not much, I recall. Or maybe I just wasn't listening.

Then the talk turns away from Potions.

'So why're you doing you're homework now anyway? You used to always leave it to the last minute. That's if you even did it.' I say.

'Well, I figured this year I would try get it done when I had time, so I could make time for…' he stops uncomfortably. 'For other things.' he concludes.

'Quidditch? I hear you're captain now.'

'Yeah.'

'Congratulations.'

'Oh, thanks.' he pulls a textbook towards him and starts scribbling. I begin again.

Then, something large, supple and very wet hit's the back of my head.

**Charms**

Maybe it wasn't the most sensible thing to do, but as I said yesterday, redheads genetically have a feisty temper.

I whip around to see the remainder of the Marauders pelting water bombs at my head. Mainly Sirius. Peter can't throw. Lupin isn't there.

I stand up. Take my stuff, take my essay, shove everything into my bag. Turn to leave.

'Where're you going?' begins James, then sees me sopping wet, then a smile twitches at the corner of his mouth.

That sets me off.

'Where am I going?' I say, my voice as even, but as dangerous as I can make it. 'I'm getting away from you. I know what that was all about. You haven't changed. You don't want to be "friends".' I say, working up my anger.

'You came over here to try and prove yourself as Mr. Nice Guy, so that the rest of your Meandering Marauders can throw water balloons at my head.'

I feel my cheeks flushing with rage and embarassment. '

Well,' I say, 'I think proves yourself to me quite nicely.'

I let the fury I am feeling slip into my vocal chords.

'It proves that you are a worthless, conceited human being whose brain is so big it could fit inside a peanut shell, and there'd still be room for the peanut!!'

With that, I turn and stride out of the library. Madam Pince is staring after me with a mix of ferocity and awe on her shrivelled face, and half the kids are gawking at me as if I'm a dangerous psychopath, which, on consideration, I might be, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time.

But, I did think, as I hurried to Care of Magical Creatures with still ten minutes to spare, I delivered that little speech quite nicely, and as I was concerned, Potter deserved all he got.


	2. Startlin Discoveries well, not that star...

**3rd September**

Sirius is treating this whole situation as a huge joke. He asked me out for James today. Of course, the answer was no.

**4th September**

Sirius asked me out for James again.

**5th September**

Ditto yesterday.

**6th September**

Ditto again. I am getting so fed up of this.

**7th September**

Sirius is a importunate fool. Nuff said.

**8th September**

**Transfiguration**

I am meant to be making notes for a test tomorrow, but I have Anna, so I will survive.

I have arranged for a first tutoring session with Remus tonight. He came up to me after potions, which was last lesson.

'Yeah, that's fine.' I replied, when he had explained where we would meet, what to bring e.t.c. Then I turned to him, and said somewhat jokingly, 'As long as you don't bring Potter - I already had a shower this morning.'

'But it wasn't -' began Remus, taking me seriously.

'I don't want to hear any excuses about yesterday.' I said firmly, making sure Potter was well within earshot. 'He can apologise to me in person if he really wants to.'

With that, I marched off, my exit somewhat undignified, as I tripped over the hem of my robes slightly (the shop didn't stock any robes any smaller for a seventh year).

**9th September**

**Lunch**

Yesterday went well with my tutoring.

Lupin has returned to basics with me, but I am fine with that. Anything that will help will do. I have another session tonight.

And Potter, taking my hint after Potions, apologised. I am not sure if I am readily able to forgive him for humiliating me, but there is more of a chance now than there was yesterday.

Anna and Rachel think I am being unfair towards him.

'But did he actually _throw_ one?' demanded Rachel after I had explained what had happened for the seventeenth time.

'No-'

'So how do you know he didn't have anything to do with it?' interrupted Anna.

'Because,' I retaliated angrily - sick of telling them - 'He had this stupid little smirk on his face, and he was all edgy before hand as well, and he didn't do anything that made me think it wasn't him.'

'But how do you know?'

'I - I just do.'

'But how do you?'

'I just do, OK!' I yelled, causing several first-years to jump and look around frightfully.

Rachel looked alarmed.

'Oh, all right,' she said hastily. 'I'll be in the library, catching up on my Arithmancy.'

'Ok then.' I said moodily, spearing a mushroom with the prongs of my fork.

'Coming, Anna?' asked Rachel.

Anna gave me a funny look and hurried off after Rachel.

'Fine,' I muttered angrily. 'Just fine.'

**Still 9th September**

**Library**

OK, OK, I admit it. I was being a little hard on Potter, as was pointed out to me by Lupin this evening.

Potter was there, skulking around the shelves. I slung my cloak over a chair and put my bag on the floor, carefully not looking at him.

Lupin sighed, watching me avoid watching Potter.

'What?' I said.

'He's innocent.'

'Huh?'

'You know, the whole water balloon incident. He had nothing to do with it.'

'I told you before, I don't need to hear -'

' -Excuses.' said Lupin. 'Yeah, I know what you said, but this isn't an excuse. James didn't do anything!'

'Yeah, he didn't actually throw the things, but-'

'That's not what I meant.' said Lupin gently. 'He wasn't involved. It wasn't his idea. In fact, he didn't know anything about it at all.'

'Really?' I said sarcastically, digging around my bag for an ink bottle.

'Yeah really. It was all Sirius' idea.' continued Lupin. 'He got a right earful from James afterwards. He was pretty upset.'

'Potter or Black?'

'James, of course. Though Sirius was a bit put out at being yelled at by his best friend.'

What was James upset about?'

'You.'

'Me?'

'Well, he likes you a lot Lily, but you don't really seem to notice.'

'Notice? What do you call the past seven years?' I exclaimed. 'He's the most annoying person I've ever had the misfortune to meet, and that's including my sisters boyfriend Vernon - who is repulsive.'

'That's a bit harsh.'

On further reflection, I decided it was.

'Well, he is definitely in the top 10.' I said. 'And I'm still a bit dubious. Potter had this stupid little smirk on his face, and he was all edgy…'

'He was edgy because he was sitting beside you.'

'Me?'

'He likes you Lily - more than just a friend. He's liked you loads, ever since third year when he sat next to you in Potions.'

'He's had a funny way of showing it since then. But what about that smirk?'

'It wasn't a smirk. It was a sort of pleased-with-myself smile. You notice how he never smiled like that around any other girls? When he was going out with Martha, or Gracie or Elise?'

Ugh. Elise Georgini. I shuddered. I was desperate to find a reason against Potter's innocence, but if one was hiding somewhere, it was certainly hiding very well.

'Yeah, fine.' I said at last. 'I believe you. Be right back.'

And as Remus sat there with an identical smirk to Potters (an I'm-pleased-with-myself one), I realised he was right. Potter - James - had changed for the better. He had been a whole lot nicer to be around. And before if he'd done anything to upset me, he'd never apologise right away.

I approached him quietly. He was skimming through a book on werewolves. I tapped him on the shoulder. He spun round, snapping the book shut.

'Hi.'

'Er - hi.' He looked confused. He pushed his glasses up his nose. Then the hand rose to his hair.

'Don't do that,' I said sharply, automatically.

'What?'

'Ruffle your hair like that. It really annoys me.'

'OK.'

My jaw dropped. A simple OK like that? Not defensive retaliation? Where was the old Potter I used to love to hate? Who was this new impostor? This new impostor, who was proving himself likeable?

He looked at me with those astonishingly emerald eyes.

'What do you want, Lily?'

The new impostor who had learnt my first name at last?

I took a deep breath. 'To apologise.'

'To me?'

'Yeah, to you. I was being a bit harsh saying all that's stuff when I had no proof that you were involved with the water balloon thing. I'm sorry.'

James blinked at me, startled. 'Apology accepted.'

'Thanks. Well, see you around - James.'

'Um, yeah. See you.'

'I'll try be nicer as well, if you like.' I smiled at him. He smiled back.

'That'd be … nice.'

'Good. Bye.'

'Bye…'

And I went back to Remus, strangely feeling a whole lot better.

**10th September**

**Defence Against the Dark Arts**

I am so so so grateful to God for creating Remus Lupin, who is the most wonderful tutor in the world.

We had a test today which, upon hearing about, I instantly went into 'aaaaaaaaaaah!' mode.

But, I found it not so hard. It was hard to concentrate, on account of James sitting next to me concentrating so hard, his arm so close to mine. He smelt really _nice_, a clean boy smell of soap and… cleanness.

And also, he looked as if he had the right answers, so I just copied them (altering them slightly to avoid suspicion of course - I am not stupid, whatever people may say/think). I considered this 'method' of answering as 'enhancing what I already know', because cheating is against all the morality in my nature, but now I do not care as failure will be part of my nature if I flunk Defence Against the Dark Arts.

James has glanced at my paper. Damn. Must not look as if I am copying…. hums to oneself thinks to oneself that oneself is so busted…

James just did the most unbelievable thing. Instead of grassing on me, he shifted his left elbow so I could see clearer! I returned that act of generosity with a smile, and secretly vowed to myself to be nicer to him than ever furthermore. And let him copy my answers for Transfiguration (my best subject). Wait - not all my answers. Just some.

**11th September**

**Lunch**

Am going to watch the Quidditch tryouts. Anna wants to try out. She says she doesn't care if she doesn't get on the team. I would. But then again, I'm not trying out.

**11th September**

**Dinner**

Well. That was unexpected.

I feel so strange. Tingly. Like I'd just been given a tiny electric shock.

After the tryouts, me, Anna and Rachel were walking back to the castle, perfectly normally. I was worrying about where I'd put my Head Girl badge perfectly normally.

Then, someone called my name. I spun round. Potter was hurrying towards me.

'Lily!' he stopped, slightly out of breath. 'Can I talk to you a moment?' His eyes fell on Anna and Rachel, who were surveying him with interest. 'Alone?'

'See you in the Common Room, Lily.' said Anna, turning with Rachel to walk away. They were grinning.

'What?' I asked Potter. He looked nervous.

'Um, well… Have you seen the new notice on the board in the Common Room?' he asked me.

'No - what's it about?'

'A Hallowe'en Ball.' he answered. His eyes darted to the floor. 'And the prefects and head Boy and Girl have to start of the first dance with their… their… partners.'

'What? What partners?' I asked, panicking slightly.

'Dance partners.' he said.

'They've got to be joking! I can't dance! I don't dance.' I said. 'And I won't dance.' The last bit was more talking to myself, but Potter heard.

'Well, um, the real reason I wanted to talk to you was, um… Willyagowimme?'

'Sorry?' I eyed him quizzically. He was going red, and took a deep breath.

'Will you go with me?'

'Huh? To the Ball? Me?' I replied, startled.

This was obviously not the reaction Potter expected, as his shoulders drooped and he smiled slightly, forlornly.

'It's OK, if you don't want to…'

'I never said I didn't want to.' I interrupted, taking myself by surprise. Bad Lily! I thought to myself. Giving Potter false hope! But then my mouth spoke of its own accord. 'I'll think about it.'

WHAT????!!!

Half of me sort of felt sorry for Potter. The other half was suspicious. Was this another prank? I studied potter's face. He looked deadly serious.

'Really?' he said, excitedly. 'I mean, will you let me know?'

'Sure.'

We stood for an awkward silence of approximately 1.3 minutes.

'Well, um we'd better get going. Dinner's probably started.' I said.

'Yeah - I'd better get changed. Um, see you, Lily.'

'Yeah, see you.' I said. 'James.'


	3. Tension

**15th September**

**Common Room**

Sorry I haven't been writing for a while - McGonagoll has given so much homework to us it is impossible to even see over the top of all the work piled in front of you.

Nothing comes close, however, to the amount of Defence Against the Dark Arts stuff I have to catch up on. And Lupin has even given me homework! I swear, if I get all this done on time, it will be a miracle. Seriously. But it is the NEWT exams this year, … but that's not for, like, seven months!

I shall be calm now. I have a steaming mug of hot chocolate in front of me, courtesy of the kitchens! James showed me how to get in. (Well, it's not steaming any more, it's got a bit too cold and has a thin skin on the top it, like cling film. Don't think I'll be drinking that in a hurry then…)

I had a look at the ball notice yesterday, just to check out if Potter was telling the truth.

Yup, prefects and head Boy/Girl have to open the dance. Woo-hoo. I am so excited about it. NOT!

It's in a month. Plenty of time to be asked by people other than James…

AUTHORS NOTE - I have skipped ahead to October because I can't think of anything to fill in the gap between now and the Ball. Hope you like!

**October 17th**

**Lunch**

Sirius is pestering me again. He keeps flicking Dungbombs into my hair, then mouthing across the classroom when he's got my attention. I have now learnt never to trust Sirius Black.

What he keeps mouthing across the classroom is 'Will you go to the Ball with James?'.

I am ignoring you Sirius Black. Time for some more psychic vibes… Sirius Black - shut up!

**Still October 17th**

**Common Room**

Lily Evans, you rock at Psychic Vibes!!!!

Not one comment from Black! Wooo!

**October 18th**

**Lunch**

Just call me matchmaker!

OK, last Thursday Anna was moaning about how she wished someone would ask her to the Ball. Rachel had already been asked by Daniel Cleavers, who had just broken up with Lianna Davies, so she was happy, and I had my whole Potter-had-asked-me-but-I-hadn't-said-anything-back thing going on.

And as Anna was complaining about all this to Rachel, about how she wished she could ask him, but what if he says no, blah blah blah - whilst I was writing my diary - I just got so fed up with it, I slammed the book shut and strode over to Remus - in the middle of Charms! (it was OK, we were doing a practical lesson).

'Look,' I said impatiently to Remus, 'do you have a date yet for the Ball?'

I swear as I said that, Potters face fell a hundred miles. Ha.

'No,' said Remus, glancing at James worriedly.

'Don't worry - I'm not going to ask you,' I said to Remus. He looked relieved. 'But you know my friend Anna?'

He nodded.

'Will you go with her?'

'Um…. Really? I'd like to.'

'Really? So is that a yes? You'll really go with her?' I was amazed at my own matchmaking.

'Yeah.'

'OK, thanks.'

And I went back to Anna and told her the news, earning a hug and a huge slab of Honeydukes chocolate (a few days later, of course).

And as she hugged me, I thought to myself. Now my friends are sorted for the Ball, what about me?

**October 19th**

**Potions**

Ugh. Paul Parkinson from Slytherin just asked me to go to the Ball with him. I think I will agree. NOT!!!!! I am not one to criticize others misfortunate delinquencies, as I have so many of my own, but Paul Parkinson is disgusting. His face is like a small volcano that erupts pus instead of lava (due to his acne), and he has really small eyes. I mean it. I seriously cannot stand people with small eyes.

Like Peter Pettigrew. He is such a rat. Literally. He actually thought that Rachel would go to the Ball with him. That is revolting. Who would go to a Ball with a fat, small, pointy-nosed, small-eyed thing like Peter Pettigrew?

With all due respect, I am sure he is a nice person and all, but I cannot say I would want to get to know him.

I don't see why James, Sirius and Remus hang around with him. I know that likeability is not based on looks (I sure do know, because why would Rachel and Anna be hanging out with me if it was?), but from what I have gathered over the past six years, he is not the most charming person to be around.

Anyway, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah - Mr Parkinson. I am sorry to inform you, but… NO!

**October 20th**

**Dumbledore's Office**

I am missing Potions!!! Whoopee!!!!!!!

Calm Lily, be calm. Breathe…

The prefects and Head Boy/Girl are partially responsible for the organization of the Hallowe'en Ball. We are in charge of decorations. (as I have been told right this instant by a cheerful Professor Dumbledore. I actually don't know why he is cheerful - I mean, his bird looks really ill, kinda on the brink of death. When I pointed this out, he just laughed! Laughed! I know he is a genius and all, but he is a mad genius, if you ask me. Though no one did. Oh well.)

So, here I am, sitting in Dumbledore's office (missing Potions!!!). I do not mean to be disrespectful and I am not ignoring you, Professor Dumbledore, but I would like to write what you are saying down, for, you know, future reference. Sort of.

I have found myself sitting next to James. How strange. We haven't talked for a while. He is staring at Professor Dumbledore.

I think I will listen now.

**Still in Dumbledore's Office**

We have it all planned out.

Instead of the floating candles, we will have floating carved pumpkins. Instead of the house drapes, there will be orange and black ones. Plus, there will be live bats flapping around. Not a lot, mind you. Enough. And the tables are to be arranged in a semi circle facing the band - the Wailing Warlocks, of course, who else?

And there are to be several crates of Butterbeer coming, courtesy of Madam Loretta. Also, a few dozen jars of Honeyduke sweets. My mouth is watering even thinking about them.

I've volunteered to help collect the sweets and Butterbeer tha fternoon before the actual Ball. So has Kavitra Palmer from Ravenclaw, Amelia Sanchez from Hufflepuff, and James Potter, from the well-known Gryffindor.

I am having to say he is surprising me. He is actually nice to be around. Sometimes.

Also, I have recalled thinking about him once too often. Thinking about him in a friendlier way. Maybe even a way that I might agree to go to the Ball with him.

But then again, I am a hard person to please, so I might not. ??

**October 21st**

I think I will go to the Ball with James Potter. Or maybe not. I don't know…

**October 22nd**

I'm not sure. Shall I?

**October 23rd**

Both Anna and Rachel think I should. I still am not sure. But there is less than a week to go! And I still haven't decided…

**October 24th**

**Library**

I have resulted to desperate measures. Remus.

I sit down at the round table in the library. Wait, sit is not the right word. Oh, I got it. I _collapse _at the round table in the library.

'You look … exhausted.' says Remus, not looking from over his book.

'Thanks, you don't look to good yourself.' I snap. I am in a foul mood. I had double Charms today, with double homework.

'What's up?' he asks, not tearing his eyes from the pages of his precious book.

'Nothing.'

'Sure,' he says ironically, still looking at the book.

'Well if you really must know…'

He finally lays down his book. And I spill into a whole account of what's going on. The Potter thing. How I feel. What I'm considering. And whilst I'm saying it, part of me is yelling 'Why are you doing this? This is Remus Lupin you are blabbing to! He is not interested! He is a genius and a future Dumbledore (maybe just a little less mad) and one of Potter's friends! Stop!' But I keep going.

Remus looks at me.

'Well, do you want to know what I think?' he says.

'Well, of course not. I just spewed my guts for you not to tell me what to do.'

'Right.' he says. 'Well, I can't tell you what to do, I can give you an idea…'

'Just get on with it!' Maybe he isn't a genius quite yet.

'OK. I think you should give him a chance. You know, all that stuff you said, that's sort of what James was hoping you'd see him as. A friend, a nice person.'

'This is not helping in the slightest.' I say moodily.

'Will you chill? You asked for my help now I'm giving it to you!' I have never seen Remus get mad. I mean, never. He is so refrigerated. Cool as ice. Nothing bothers him.

'James is one of my best friends. He has put a lot of effort into getting you to like him. So just give him a chance, OK?'

'You sure?' I look at him intently. I never normally take advice from anyone apart from Anna and Rachel. But I am desperate.

'Yeah, I'm sure.'

And as I bit my nails (they so need to grow before the Ball), I made my decision.

**Common Room**

I spot James right away, watching Peter and Sirius' game of chess. I tap him on the shoulder, and he springs from his armchair.

'Hey, Lily.' he looks genuinely pleased to see me.

'Can I talk to you for a moment?' I ask him.

'Sure.' We step over towards the notice board, out of earshot. But that doesn't stop Anna and Rachel, who are pretending to be finishing their lunar charts, from listening in.

'Right. Eh…' I don't know what to start with. So instead, I just blurt it all out. 'Um, you know the Ball? The Hallowe'en one?'

'Yeah,' says James slowly, looking hopeful.

'Do you still want to go with me?'

His brown eyes look startled as they look into mine. 'Sure I do. Why?'

'Well, the thing is… I'd like to go with you too.' I can feel my cheeks burning furiously as I say this. I really hate blushing. When your cheeks blaze and you also have flaming red hair, it looks as if someone has set a match to you.

'Really?' he asks.

'Yeah, really. If that's OK with you.'

'It's fine by me.'

'OK.' I smile awkwardly.

Our silence is broken by Sirius.

'Oi! Potter! What you doing over there?' then he spots me. 'Ah, Lily. Never mind then.'

'No, I'm coming,' he says quickly.

'Wait, where shall I meet you?' I ask.

'Out here?'

'OK, see you.'

'Bye.'

As I sit down in an armchair, Anna and Rachel are watching me eagerly, as if about to burst.

'What?'

'You know.'

No actually, I don't - but I feel too weird to argue.

**October 26th**

**Breakfast**

Mum wrote today. I have copied it into my journal. It is thoroughly sickening. (The bits in brackets and not in italics are mine).

_Hi Lily!_

_Hope everything's OK at Hogwarts, me, Dad and Petunia are fine._

_I have HUGE news to tell you - Petunia is getting married! As you know, it was her 21st birthday last week _(oops)_ and we all (meaning Dad, Petunia, Vernon and I) went out for a family meal. During the dessert, Vernon got down on one knee _(must've been a bit of a struggle) _and proposed!!! It was so sweet! He gave her a ring and she blushed and said yes, then we spent all the rest of the evening discussing plans!!!_

_She is to be married on the 14th February (Valentines Day) and you are to be a bridesmaid. With a beautiful gorgeous ivory dress and white lilies _(how appropriate) _in your hair! And Petunia will be wearing a lilac silk dress with petunia's in her hair and a bouqeut of pink roses!_

_I have already written to Professor Dumbledore requesting you to be absent for a few days, so you needn't worry. _(Of course I won't.)

_I can't tell you how proud I am that your sister is to be married! _

_How are things with you? Have you found romance yet?_

_Please write back soon,_

_Lots of love, Mum, Dad and Petunia (and Vernon, of course). _(EW!)

Well, that was a surprise. Let me tell you, that Vernon Dursley is a very large man. VERY large. I can't understand what Petunia sees in him. Not a lot.

**Lunch**

Haven't seen James yet.

Anna and Rachel find the marriage hilarious. I don't. Well, maybe just a little….

HA! VERNON IN A SUIT????? HA HA HA HA!!!!! HE'LL NEED A CUSTOM MADE ONE!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA ah Ah AHH AHHHHHH CHOKING ON ONESELF'S OWN LAUGHTER…. Cough….splutter… dying here…………….

OK. I'm good now.

HA!

**27th October**

James said hi to me today. I said hi back. We have really great conversational skills.

**28th October**

**3 days until Ball**

I am starting to get worried about this whole James thing. What if - say after the Ball - I go out with him, will he go back to being a conceited idiot? And will he drop me from some bimbo when he gets bored of me?

Consultation required. Must find Rachel and Anna.

**29th October**

**2 days until Ball**

They think he's OK. Trying to trust their judgement… Oh well. As my mum says, only time will tell.

**30th October**

**1 day until Ball!!!**

1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! 1 day until Ball!!! BE CALM LILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be….

Calm…….

Lily…..

One Day Til Ball!!!!!

**31st October**

**BALL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Common Room**

The decorations are looking f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s-o if I do say so myself. Nothing beats a couple of hundred floating pumpkins, live bats, Butterbeer and Honeyduke sweets.

Oh yeah, about that.

Well, as me and James were walking (together) to get the Hogsmeade stuff, we were talking - as most sane people do - and we had just got into the shop when I got this really weird feeling. All the time we'd been walking I had not once thought of James as being - well, you know, James. I'd thought of him as just someone to talk to. A friend almost. It was kind of weird. Then, just as suddenly, I realised that James was a boy. And I was going to a Ball with him. And I started getting really hot, and my voice went really high-pitched. And started to get really worried. It was like, 2 o'clock - 5 hours away from the Ball. I was panicking.

I mean, the last boy I went out with was called Danny Somersands, and that was at playgroup. We shared our milk (two straws in one bottle), and our cookies and we held hands whilst our teacher read us stories. It was so cute!

But that was the last boyfriend I had.

And now James. And this stupid Ball.

I was actually looking forward to it this morning, but now I'm dreading it.


	4. Twist

**31st October - 7.07 pm**

**Sitting on my bed nervously - in a DRESS!!!!!!**

OK, the reason that I have so many exclamations after the dress (well, not that many, my arm got kinda tired) is I have never, as long as I can remember, worn a dress. Sure I wear skirts (I have to - uniform?!), but never a dress.

I'm still dreading it… And looking forward to it. The Ball, I mean.

I have 8 minutes until I meet James in the common room.

Anna is shrieking from the bathroom. She's lost her glitter mascara. That girl wears so much glitter mascara it is unbelievable.

Why am I writing now? I should be preparing - checking my underarms and topping up on deodorant, and checking my teeth for spinach and garlic.

OK, I'm clear.

Anyway, the dress I have on is unbelievably gorgeous. Us girls are so lucky. The boys have to wear dress robes - HA!

Back to the dress. I am determined to write down a description of it in the ….. THREE(!!!!!!!!) … minutes I have left.

Ahem. Cough cough.

It is gorgeous. It is the sheeny colour of red wine, a rich plum-y, red-y, purple-y, sheen-y, wine-y, berry-y colour. it's a string strap dress, with a scrunched bodice decorated with beautiful glass-bead butterflies and roses. The skirt goes down to the floor, and has butterflies and roses at the hem. I have matching shoes, not very high, but still heels - at least I can walk in them. Also, I have a matching skinny beaded purse bag thingy - called a 'clutch', I think. It is just big enough to squeeze you in, journal.

It has just turned quarter past.

WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Sitting down, just finished eating**

This is unbelievable. Me and James have slow-danced FOUR times!!! And danced loads of other times, of course. Just not slow ones.

Now I have just finished eating - a lamb leg, parsnips, roast potatoes, cranberry sauce, peas, carrots, mushrooms, fruit salad, chocolate fudge cake and kumquats.

I am sure to burst out my dress any time now. Watch out for the exploding Lily! I am so glad Madam Pomfrey is here. She'd sew me back into the dress if I do explode.

James is looking so…. Cute?… nah, not right word…….. Handsome?….. Ugh, bring it on, Shakespeare…….. HOT! That is the word. He looks hot.

If I had known that I would be sitting here, say last September, thinking that James Potter was HOT, I would have so laughed in my own face. Seriously.

Whoah. My heart just did the weirdest little backflip in my chest. Maybe I really did eat to much. But suddenly I feel all flushed. And I can't stop looking at James.

He is wearing these gorgeous dark teal-green-blue dress robes. And his hair is presentable! He's managed to flatten it a bit. Though it still sticks out at the back. And his fringe looks a bit static. I think I seriously have the best looking guy in the whole room.

Remus doesn't look half bad. He's wearing a deep bluey purple colour of robes. He looks slightly nervous, but happy. Him and Anna are getting on like a werewolf and a moon.

Rachel and Daniel are snogging each others faces off. James just glanced at them with wistful interest. Don't expect me to do that, Hot Boy.

**Truly Happy and Content with the World**

I feel so happy. The stars are so bright. I swear, when I looked up at them, I could see James' name traced out in them, like a sign.

We are sitting on a bench outside in the grounds. The whole place has been decorated. Glistening spider webs threaded on the bushes, bats fluttering everywhere, mini pumpkin heads grinning from all directions.

I can't stop thinking about what just happened.

Me and James were slow dancing to another song, a very beautiful, bittersweet melody with a clash of soft, minor chords underneath, when James looked into my eyes, like a movie scene.

'Can I kiss you?' he asked, startling me.

I stared at him, panicking. 'I might be bad.'

He answered by leaning forward, kissing me. It was the most natural thing in the world. All those pointless Muggle magazines Anna gets are actually right. This was my first kiss - and it came totally naturally.

I didn't even panic about keeping my eyes open or shut or using tongues or anything.

Well, I shall stop going on about it now.

I am so HAPPY!

**My bed**

I feel so horrible.

James hates me.

I feel like a worthless Flabbleslug, like the ones Professor Jolyll told us about in Care of Magical Creatures.

My life is over. I can't believe I actually care - but I really don't want James to hate me. How could he accuse me like that though?

Any girl would rather have James over that . . . weasel.

After refusing to dance with Paul Parkinson seven times, I finally agree. A short dance, I say. A very short one. James is chatting to Remus and Anna, so I expect this is OK. Sirius is watching me, though. Very intently, I have to say.

We prance about difficultly - him not being able to dance for one thing, and me trying to keep my nostrils as far away from his dog breath as possible.

Then, to the end of the song - he kisses me! On my lips. I swear, I am so glad I came with James. He kisses a whole lot better than Paul. I push him away, wiping my mouth, and walk away, disgusted, and come face to face with … James. I'm all ready to say hi and ask for another dance, but James gets there first.

'What was that?' he demands. He looks angry, upset, disappointed.

'What?' I reply, trying to work out whether he saw or not. 'Paul asked me to dance, and I said OK, though I wish now I hadn't but…'

'No - not that. The whole kiss thing.' James looks hurt. 'Do you _like_ him or something?'

I was appalled. 'Of course not! How could you even think that?!'

'Well, everyone could see it.'

'What?' I actually laugh slightly, though when I do, I realise that was a big mistake. James' eyes flash menacingly. 'You actually think I enjoyed that … that … humiliation?'

'What humiliation? It looked to me like you liked it.' he says coldly. 'And to basically everyone else in the room.'

'Liked it? What do you think I am?' I feel as if I am about to cry.

James gave me a long, cold, hard stare. 'I think I'd better not answer that.' he replied quietly.

I stare at him disbelievingly, hardly daring to speak.

'See you, Evans.'

He strides away, shrugging Sirius off him as he goes past. Sirius makes his way over to me, after watching James disappear.

'What the hell did you just say to him?!'

'Me?'

'Yeah you! Everyone saw that thing with Paul! Including me, including James! I can't believe you'd do that to him!' Sirius looks really mad.

'I didn't… I didn't do anything.' I say limply.

Sirius looks at me.

'So it was all Paul?' he sounds doubtful, but there is a hint of hopefulness in his voice, like maybe he believes me…

'Yes, of course it was! You don't actually think I'd do anything as … wrong … as that?'

'Well, no. Not really, but you never know.'

'So you believe me?'

'Well, yeah, but I'm not sure James will see things the same way I did. I was watching you ever since you got up and went off with him. You looked pretty disgusted, like wishing you were someone else. Then James asked me where you were, and just as I pointed, he kissed you… I dunno. He just stood with a look of total shock on his face. Well, I have to admit, you looked the same, but James only saw the kiss - not the reaction.'

'Great. Just great.'

And as I stood, I tried to figure out what to do.

'Will you help me?' I ask sullenly. 'Try to convince him of the truth?'

'I dunno, James can be pretty strong-minded when he wants to be. I mean, he was determined to go out with you, and even when I said you would never say yes, he kept trying and eventually his determination paid off.'

'I should have never agreed to go out with him in the first place.' I said. 'Well, yeah, I had a great time and all, and I was starting to think there was more to James than what I've been thinking for seven years, but then I screwed it up.'

'You didn't screw it up, it was all Paul's fault.' says Sirius firmly. 'Look, I'll try my best. I talk to him about it. I try convince him. But I'm not sure…'

'Thank you! Thank you!' I say and throw my arms around Sirius' shoulders. He pats my head awkwardly, and then we make our way to the Common Room.

But I can't help the gnawing feeling of something in my chest. I don't know what it is. It hurts terribly.

**1st November**

Have told Anna and Rachel what has happened. They are shocked.

'That complete moron!' cries Anna.

'I can't believe it - you and James were getting along so well, then -splat!- Paul has to come and stick his big fat, spotty nose into everything and ruin it.' says Rachel.

I suddenly spot James enter the Great Hall. He avoids my gaze Sirius, walking behind me, shakes his head at me.

'No luck.' he mouths.

I smile gratefully back, but inside, the gnawing feeling intensifies.

**2nd November**

I don't know what it is. I don't feel hungry. I don't feel like doing anything. I just sit in the library, flicking through books, just to be away from everything.

**3rd November**

Everyone is talking about the Ball. I want to rip my ears off. I can't stand it.

**4th November**

I finally caught his eye today. I smile hopefully, but he gave me a blank look, then turned away.

**5th November**

I think I know what this feeling is. All the time I had Potter annoying me, asking me out, try to converse with me, I was always wishing he would leave me alone, go away. But now that he's gone, stopped talking to me, ignoring me completely, I miss him.


	5. Depression

**7th November**

Remus and I have had another tutoring session. I didn't do very well. I feel so unhappy.

**11th November**

I really can't be bothered to write.

**16th November**

Potions sucks.

**18th November**

Spending a lot of time in the Owlery. My favourite school owl, Kinesis, is often there. I sit and talk to him, tell him everything. As I feed him Owl Treats, he tilts his head and stares at me with amber eyes, as if he understands.

**22nd November**

Mum wrote today. A load of garbage about how the weddings going. I read the first two lines of the letter, then chucked it in the bin.

**27th November**

Rachel was upset today - she and Daniel broke up. Daniel dumped her to go out with Mindy Goodchild, a total cow in Hufflepuff. I swear, if Mindy had as many brains as she did make-up sets, she would be the next Minister for Magic.

**3rd December**

Christmas is getting near. Spending some time in the library with Anna. Sirius is hanging around.

**Still 3rd Dec, TOTAL GENIUS!**

James has just GOT to believe me after this!

Sirius has thought of an idea!

'Truth Potion!' he announced, after killing me with suspense. 'Porter has threatened me with it enough times to know what it is. Even with just one drop, the drinker is forced to tell the truth for a whole hour!'

'How will that help Lily?' asked Anna.

'Well, we drug Paul, then question him in front of James! Simple!'

He beamed at us, obviously pleased with his idea.

'Erm… not so simple, actually.' said Anna smoothly. 'First we have to actually get Paul to take it - maybe hidden in a cake or something - then we need to find somewhere where we won't be disturbed, and then we need to actually get James into the same room as Lily, and then it'll be simple.'

'Well, yeah - but I thought it was a good idea…' said Sirius, faltering under Anna's derogatory stare.

I looked between them both.

'It's not that good.' I said. 'It's brilliant!'

**December 5th**

I'm really sorry I haven't been writing - I've been too depressed to even lift a quill. Sirius and I finally managed to get hold of some Veritaserum (a.k.a Truth Potion) from the private store.

It was all set up. We got a plate of sardines from the kitchens - apparently they're Paul's favourite - ugh. The potion was at the ready.

I stop Paul after class. I absolutely hate being nice to him.

'Hi Paul.' I say through gritted teeth. 'I've got something to show you.'

'What?' he grins at me, raising his eyebrows in glee to his gorilla friend.

'Just something that you'll really like.' I say.

His eyebrows shoot up way past his fringe.

I lead him towards the abandoned girls toilets. Well, abandoned apart from Moaning Myrtle, who spends her time wallowing in toilet water and flooding the place.

'Why're we here?' says Paul.

I tell him the truth, but he gets the wrong idea. 'So we won't get caught.'

He grins deviously. I shudder, repulsed.

'I thought you might like some sardines - I hear they're your favourite.'

'Oh, thanks.' he says. Sitting down on the chair at the table I prepared earlier, he chows down on the disgusting fish.

Suddenly, Sirius comes in, leading James.

My heart stops at the sight of him.

James goes red, then backs away, muttering angrily to Sirius. 'What's going on?'

'Just hear us out, OK?' says Sirius firmly. James avoids my eyes.

Paul has fished the sardines. I take a deep breath.

'Paul?' I say. 'What happened on the 31st October of this year?'

'Sardines.' he replies.

'What?' says Sirius.

'Sardines.' he repeats.

Sirius fishes out the empty potion bottle from his pocket.

'Oh no…' he groans, staring at the label. 'This isn't Veritaserum - it's Victaserum! We gave him the wrong Potion!'

I stare numbly at the bottle in Sirius' hand.

'I don't have time for this…' mumbles James, striding towards the door.

'Wait!' I say, jumping towards the handle. My fingers close over his. He pulls his hand back, as if burnt. I instantly feel hurt.

'What?' demands James.

'Look,' I say, trying to keep my voice reasonable calm. 'Obviously both mine and Sirius' words aren't good enough for you, so I'm trying to get some proof.'

'Proof of what?' he yells angrily. 'Look, Lily. I know what I saw, and that's proof enough for me. If you want to make some stupid stunt of the fact that you're some sort of two-timing slag, then be my guest! Just don't try to get me in on it, OK?'

With that he pulls open the door and scrambles out as fast as he can.

Sirius touches my arm.

'You OK?'

I shake my head, fighting back the tears. I don't know why I care so much. There is nothing I can do now.

'Sardines?' says Paul.

I kick him in the shins. Hard.


	6. Hope? or maybe not

**7th December**

**Common Room**

A Hogsmeade trip has been announced for the 21st. Might as well go - nothing better to do.

**8th December**

**History of Magic**

Binns is droning on and on and on.

Kinesis has perked up a little. I think he's got a girlfriend - a beautiful snowy owl with amber eyes called Amulet. They are always snuggled up together before he flies down to see me.

I've been telling him all about James and how I wish I could have just one last chance to prove my innocence.

**10th December**

**Great Hall**

The castle is getting draughty. I had to put a T-shirt under my shirt today. And I'm still a bit cold. Anna has just ladled me some warm vegetable soup. I love that girl.

And Rachel as well, of course.

**11th December**

**Bed**

Looking back on my entry from yesterday, I started thinking about love. I know its all mushy and yucky and lovely blah blah blah, but I started seriously thinking about it. I mean, Petunia must love this Vernon guy if they're getting married. My parents must love each other. And someone out there must love me.

For a split second I think of James. My heart flips over in my chest and starts beating loudly, like a drum. I wonder if he loved me. Yeah, he fancied me - that was obvious - but love? Maybe that's why his so put-out by the Paul thing. I mean, if his ex girlfriend Mindy - what a COW - had kissed another guy on purpose (by the way, I did not kiss Paul on purpose) he would have moped for a couple of hours then got over it. But this thing with me has gone on for weeks! A few months even!

And then I'm starting to think. What if I had seen James getting kissed by another girl - maybe Mindy (grrrrrrrrr) at the Ball? And as I think about it, I realize something.

I would be devastated.

I can see how he feels. And now I understand. I can't just apologize and everything will be fine. It's not like I've broken his quill by accident or anything small like that.

I've broken his heart.

That sounds so cheesy!!!!!!! But it's true. And it was by accident. But that doesn't make any difference.

I am going to take one last try. I am going to apologize sincerely, in person. I think about when….. Hogsemeade!

My heart beats with panic as I think about it. But it must be done.

**14th December**

**Library**

My last tutoring session with Remus before the holidays. We are going over everything we have studies in the past few months. I ace everything.

'Well done!' says Remus. 'You've gotten so much better.'

'It's all thanks to you - I am so grateful!!!!' I say. 'I'm going to buy you a huge bar of chocolate to say thank you.'

'You don't have to…' he says, blushing slightly.

'Yeah, I don't have to, but I want to, OK?'

'If you really want.'

'Yep. I am going to ace Defence Against the Dark Arts, for sure now.'

'I'm sure you are.' smiles Remus. 'You can go now, if you want. I've got some Potions to catch up on.'

'OK, good luck.' I say. Then my gaze falls on a book entitled _Spells for 'Future' Reference_. I pick it up and flick through the first few pages. 'Can I borrow this?'

'Sure,' he replies, scribbling away. 'I need it back for the 17th of January though.'

'OK, thanks. See you.'

I start on the book straight away. It's extremely good.

**16th December**

**Common Room**

Have taken up reading the book in my spare time. It has history, Transfiguration, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Potions … basically everything in it.

The pages are old parchment, the words look new. I am going to try out a few spells soon, to boost my ability. Well, try and boost my ability - if that is anywhere possible.

**18th December**

**Empty Charms Classroom**

You I said that I am going to apologize to James at Hogsmeade? That's not the only thing I am going to do. I am going to give him proof that I did not cheat on him at the dance. I am going to be proved innocent!!!! All thanks to this wonderful book.

I found the spell this morning - the Precedent Window Enchantment. It looks kind of complex, a few thousands wand swished and a mouthful of words. But the effects are compromisingly superb.

The Precedent Window Enchantment casts a magic 'window' allowing a scene from the past to be shown in which the caster appears in. So if I cast the spell, I can be shown the scene with Paul, and if I'm with James he'll see too!!!

This has got to work. But, for it to work, I need Remus.

That's why we're here - practicing!

'Swish, flick, left, down, right, up.' instructs Remus. I mimic his actions.

'Right,' I say. 'And what are the words?'

'_Compromo Prosceilla Arami.'_

'Can I try it?'

'Yeah, that's why we're here, isn't it?'

**20th December**

**Empty Charms Classroom**

I have been practicing hard for tow days, and I think I finally have it.

_Compromo Prosceilla Arami!' _I yell and focus my memory to the Ball. My eyes close, I remember, will the spell to work. Remus gasps. It works! My eyes fly open to see myself and Paul exactly as we were, then…. Ugh. The kiss. BUT IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I just have to do it in front of James.

**21st December **

**Breakfast**

I'm so jittery. The post has just arrived. I sent Kinesis just before breakfast with a letter for James, instructing Kinesis to post it at the table.

I can't stop staring as Kinesis swoops gracefully towards James.

James takes the slip of parchment from his beak and unfurls it. I hold my breath as he reads, his expression getting steadily confused.

Success! I told him to meet me at the stile near Deverish and Bangs at two o'clock. That way it'll be a little more… private.

But will he actually come?

**21st December**

**The Stile**

I am so nervous. I have been going over the spell in my head all day, convincing myself that I can do it.

But maybe when the time actually comes, I won't be able to…

No Lily, don't think like that. You can do it - you will.

Take deep, deep breaths Lily and be -

Wait.

A shadow.

A voice.

'Lily?'


	7. The Short Chapter

**AUTHORS NOTE- although this chapter is short, it is pretty crucial to the whole story. Please read and review - and also, I am not sure whether to write more, or just end the story here - so please comment and tell me your ideas - should I write more? Or not? THANK YOU TO LUPRIUS AND SKYE I LUV YOU BOTH!!!!**

**21st December**

I find myself staring into the green eyes of James Potter.

'Did you write it?'

I nod.

'Why?'

'Because I have to show you something.'

'Show me what?'

I pull out my wand, close my eyes, concentrate. And its there. A sparkling window of the past. The whole scene replays in front of James' eyes. They widen as I am kissed by Paul.

Then the window disappears and James and I are left alone together.

'I'm trying to convince you that this thing with Paul wasn't planned. And I hope I've done that. And, I wanted to say I'm sorry. I hate myself for putting you through all this. I'd really, really hate to be in your shoes. And I am really sorry. Sometimes, you know, words don't mean anything, but I wanted to say sorry it anyway.' I say hurriedly. 'And now I'll understand if you never speak to me again, but I won't care. Well, I will, of course, but not as much as I think I would because now I've cleared-'

I trail off, embarrassed, realizing I'd said too much.

'I'd better go.' I say, hoisting my bag onto my shoulder.

'Don't - stay here.' says James slowly. He's thinking. 'So this thing with Paul - you don't like him?'

I give him a sceptical look. 'No.'

He smiles slightly. 'Friends?' he asks abruptly.

I shake my head, moving closer to him. I go with what I feel. (This is such a movie moment)

'No.'

He looks disappointed, reeling from my answer.

But then, I take another step forward, closer.

Too close.

'I want to be more than friends.' I say defiantly.

He look startled, then smiles.

'Good.'

And let me tell you something, when you get kissed by James Potter, the world stops spinning, all time halts, just for you, and everything just seems amazingly wonderful. You even stop feeling cold in the December air. And, no spell, not even the Precedent Window Enchantment could relieve me of this moment.

And when you surface for air - after about half an hour - and walk, hand in hand, through the snow, you realise something.

I lean my head onto James' shoulder.

'Does this mean I have to get you a Christmas present?'


	8. Christmas Happiness

**AUTHORS NOTE - NOW LILY IS HAPPY! I HAVE REALLY RUN OUT OF IDEAS - SO ANY WOULD BE SO WELCOMED! THANKS TO ALL YOU GREAT REVIEWERS, PLEASE ASK YOUR FRIENDS TO READ THIS STORY BECAUSE ITS PROBABLY THE BEST HP FANFIC I'VE EVER WRITTEN, NOT TRYING TO SOUND BIG-HEADED OR ANYTHING. THANK **

**YOU ALL SO MUCH! **

**22nd December**

**Common Room**

The snow is deep on the grounds. I am sitting in my favourite armchair by the windowsill, writing this, staring at the snow. I have so many things to be happy about. Let me list them -

1) I have the greatest friends in the world. (Anna, Rachel, James, Sirius and Remus. Oh, I suppose Peter as well. Kind of.) Not only are they there to support me, but they are there to help me succeed at Hogwarts (take your bow Remus)

2) I have the greatest _boy_friend in the world. I mean, this morning when I got up late (c'mon - it's the holidays!) and slouched downstairs to scrounge some leftover breakfast, I found a bowl of porridge and some rolls and jam at a place next to James, still warm because he had performed the Tepiditius Jinx on them. How cool - and sweet! - is that?

3) I have the greatest enemies in the world! I saw Paul today, and he made a disgusting remark about something you do not want to know about, concerning the night of the Ball and other things that are unmentionable and should be left to the imagination - I still dread to think about it - so I strung him up to the chandelier in the corridor on the 4th floor, and put a weak Memory Charm on him so he'd have no idea how he got there. He's all right now. Professor Porter got him down in the end. After about four hours!

4) it is snowing (that is a very good thing. We definitely do not get enough snow in Surrey)

5) going back to friends thing, Sirius and James have just come back from the kitchens and offered me a warm cookie. That is an even better thing than snow. I think I will set aside this journal and eat…. A lot

**23rd December**

**Bed**

The castle has been decorated for a while now, but is only today that I realised its Christmas soon! I mean, of course I knew it was coming, but it has just, you know, sunk in.

I am now going to jump out of bed, get dressed and get breakfast. Which is a really big deal for me because its only 7.30!

**Still 23rd December**

**Common Room**

I am so tired! I can't believe how much fun can be crammed into one day. And all with your two best friends, your boyfriend and his friends (one of which happens to be one of your best friends boyfriend as well, but whatever).

First off I had breakfast - egg, bacon and sausage - then, once I was fully awake and had said hi to everyone, we all wrapped up and had a massive three hour snowball fight! Then, after lunch - luscious chicken breast served with roast potatoes, baby sweet corn and broccoli - me and James went for a walk around the grounds.

We sat by the lake, just staring out over the frozen water, me hugging my knees in the cold, my hair blowing in the slight breeze. I huddled closer to James.

'So,' he said, 'how'd you like an early Christmas present?'

'Yes please.' I grinned.

He replied by kissing me, which we kept up for about forty minutes until I could hardly feel my rear end any more.

Then, we stood up and wandered - hand in hand of course - over to Hagrids hut.

Hagrid's hut was warm as usual, with a blazing fire in the grate. His old shaggy grey dog (called Sidjon, no less) was curled up in a corner. Hagrid handed me and James each steaming mugs of hot chocolate, and set a bowl of sugared almonds on the table. I bit into one, but nearly cracked my tooth, so I hastily stuffed it in my pocket.

It soon began to go dark, so we trailed back to the castle. Then James took me to the kitchens! I'd actually never been before, but it was really interesting. It was about the same size as the Great Hall, but packed full of tiny little house elves. James introduced me to some of his "friends". I liked Mimi best. She was a charming little female elf, with tiny bat-like ears and an oddly shaped head, but she was very nice. She offered me a Danish pastry, which I accepted. I shall have to throw away the weighing scales in our bathroom, because if I actually look at how heavy I am now, I'm sure to become bulimic.

**December 24th**

**Christmas Eve!**

I CAN'T FIND IT! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

I have lost James' present! OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Be calm Lily, cool, calm…

I'd just got everyone else's sorted, and made a checklist…

Anna - yes

Rachel - yes

Sirius - yes

Remus - yes

Peter - If I must…

Hagrid - yes

Mum - yes (posted)

Dad - yes (ditto)

Petunia - yes (double ditto)

Ebony - yes

And James . . . . um . . .NO!

What am, I going to do? I can't give everyone else a present, and NOT my boyfriend?

**Still December 24th**

Not here!

**Still Dec 24th**

No luck…

**Even later, Dec 24th**

Where is it?

**Later still, Dec 24th**

Anna has come looking for me. Says James wants to say goodnight.

**My bed, can't sleep**

HE IS SO SWEET! AND I AM TRULY HORRIBLE! I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHERE I PUT MY BOYFRIENDS CHRISTMAS PRESENT!

I went outside, down the stairs and found James by the portrait hole. Everyone else had either gone to bed, or were curled up by the fireplace, yawning and chewing mince pies.

'Hey,' he grinned when he saw me.

'Hi.' I replied. 'So you going to bed?'

'In a minute, I just gotta look out peoples presents - Remus, Sirius, Peters…. Yours…'

I forced a smile, feeling repulsive.

'But I want to say goodnight first, and show you something.' He pulled my hand and led me to a secluded corner.

'What?'

He pointed upwards. 'Mistletoe…'

I rolled my eyes at him ironically. He grinned and held me close.

Let me tell you something, kissing - an area which I have little experience - is _nice_. And many of the first years were staring, but I didn't mind. We'd been kissing a lot lately, and not just under mistletoe either.

**CHRISTMAS DAY!**

This is turning out to be the best Christmas ever! And not just because it snowed last night!

The most unbelievable thing happened. Mimi woke me up on Christmas morning at six, but I didn't mind a bit after she showed me what she'd found down the back of my bed when she was cleaning up. JAMES' PRESENT!

I thanked her so much, and gave her one of my favourite badges to wear on her tunic. She said thank you, then scurried off to make Christmas dinner.

I jumped out of bed, pulled on my dressing gown, then had a shower. When I got out, everyone else was awake, and had started opening presents. Anna and Rachel had two huge piles, as did I. We stuffed them into bags, then hijacked the boys bedroom, throwing crackers everywhere, dragging our sacks of presents in and waking them up in the process.

Sirius stirred groggily when we invaded, then sat up fast when he saw who it was.

'Hey!' said Sirius indignantly, 'how'd you get in here?'

'Easy,' I replied, 'we used the staircase.'

'But when we tried in third year, it wouldn't let us into the girls room - the stairs turned into a slide!' said James, pulling off his covers and yawning. His hair was sticking up more than usual. I couldn't help but notice how well-defined his chest and stomach muscles were. Mmmnnn…… Must be all that Quidditch….

'That's probably because the only reason you wanted to get there, was to spy on Lily.' said Remus, fully clothed and emerging from the bathroom.

I glared at James at this news, but jokingly. Then we got down to some serious unwrapping.

I made a list of the things that everyone got me.

Anna - a box of Melodic Allsorts from Honeydukes (sweets where you suck them, then open

your mouth and a different tune comes out each time), and a set of Non-Wilting Roses,

and some UnPoppable BubbleBath

Rachel - a gorgeous vintage-beaded bracelet in blues and oranges and turquoises with tarnished

silver charms, like leaves and acorns, and some glitzy nail varnish.

Remus - a book called Confuddle and Befuse (a set of funny spells fro your friends)

Sirius - a key that will unlock any door, and some Honeydukes chocolate

Peter - a jar of Mordant Mothballs (apparently, they will eat the moths alive. Gross)

Hagrid - some homemade cookies, and a handcrafted wooden model of a robin

James - a new journal - purple, with tiny silver letters on the front spelling out Lily Evans, a

Peacock feather quill and some Every-Flavour Beans

Mum+Dad - 50 Galleons! (shopping trip is yet to be organized!) and some Sherbet Lemons (my

Ultimate favourite!) and a card saying they've got a surprise for me when I next visit

Stocking - loads of little things, like a pack of Teeth Whitening Gum, an apple, and orange, some

chocolate coins, some eyeshadow… can't actually remember anything else

Petunia - not much really. A Card. And a bar of chocolate. Wow.

Never mind Petunia, though. IT IS STILL THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

James liked his present, which was good. And I definitely liked the way he "said" thank you. (um, well maybe said isn't the right word. Maybe "acted"?)

And breakfast - Oh my goodness, it was fantastic! Hot cranberry juice, warm pancakes with raspberry jam, steaming porridge, fresh white rolls, eggs, bacon, sausages, beans…

It was delicious. I had everything. Even a mince pie afterwards.

I spent most of the day in the Common Room. I beat James twice at chess, then lost to Sirius at Gobstones. Then I lost to Anna at hangman ('toenail clippings' - ew!), and beat Rachel at noughts and crosses. Then we all went for a walk to visit Hagrid.

I think he got the shock of his life when all seven of us trooped in to see him. There wasn't much seating space, so me, James, and Sirius made do with the floor.

Lunch was incredible. There wasn't many people at Hogwarts, as most had gone home for Christmas, but those that stayed all shared one table. I sat by James and Anna, and everywhere you looked was piled high with food. About half a dozen turkeys were placed on the table, as were hams, sausages, roast potatoes, parsnips, carrots, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, baby sweet corn, chicken legs and cranberry sauce. Scattered everywhere were piles of Wizarding Crackers. I pulled one with James, and it burst with a magnificent bang. I received a purple t-shirt bearing a picture of the Wailing Warlocks, and half a dozen humbugs. Then, after pulling a few with some other people, I inherited a self-lighting candle, a padlock, two white rats and seventeen jelly beans.

Deserts were luscious too. Christmas cake, apple pie, Christmas pudding, fudge pudding with hot fudge sauce, chocolate cake, mince pies and chocolate log. I think I had two slices of everything.

I am now lounging around in my new t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and my dressing gown for warmth, just leaning against James' shoulder, feeling the warmth of the fire and his body… talking to people. I don't think anyone can be bothered to do anything else. Dinner was called a half hour ago, but its probably just leftover turkey and cheese sandwiches. I don't think I can lift myself and drag myself to the toilet, never mind the Great Hall.

James has been playing with my hair for the last however many hours. He's just rested his head on my shoulder and peered into this journal - it's the new one he got me for Christmas.

'So what does it say about me in there?' he's just asked.

So I am writing the next couple of sentences for his benefit.

James Potter is the most disgusting boy alive. He dribbles in his sleep and leaves the toilet seat up when he's finished peeing. He can't use a knife and fork, and never combs his hair.

'Really? That's what you think of me?' he said, mockingly shocked. 'Who told you I dribble in my sleep?'

I stuck my tongue out, then wrote this -

James Potter is one of the coolest people I've ever met. He doesn't let anything put him down, and never gives up, even when things don't go his way. He makes an effort in everything he does, and finally those efforts have paid off. He is a fantastic Quidditch Seeker, and has the nicest eyes I've ever seen. His hair sticks up oddly, but it would look strange if it didn't. I like the way he pushes his glasses up when they slip down his nose. I like the way his eyebrows furrow when he's concentrating. I like the way he smiles at me, as if I'm he most important person in the world.

'That's better.' He said, nuzzling into my hair. 'but what about the efforts bit? What efforts? Why have they finally paid off?'

'Because,' I replied, slightly big-headedly, 'you kept asking and asking, but you never got. Those were your efforts. And they paid off, because we're going out now, right?'

'Yeah, I guess so. That's a pretty cool way of putting it.'

'Thanks. I thought so too.'

He gave me a killer smile - on of the ones that make me feel so special.

Everyone is yawning. Everyone is picking at mince pies. Everyone, except Anna and Remus. He's going over some sort of spell with her, but she doesn't seem to be listening. She's just watching him. And I'm watching them. Now they're kissing. Aw - sweet.

It's dark outside. I might go to bed now, and have a lazy lie-in tomorrow morning, then maybe a snowball fight in the afternoon, if anyone's up to it.

But not before I put my two new pet rats to bed in a crate full of straw that Hagrid lent me. He's promised to make them a proper cage as soon as he can. The rats are gorgeous, snow white with pink eyes and quivering little noses. One's called Rosie (female) and the other is called Jim. Very original, I know.

Nighty-night.


	9. Momentum

**Boxing Day**

Lazed about ALL day. Can't say how great it is to just do absolutely nothing.

**27th Dec**

Went to see Hagrid. Me and James helped him with the rats cage. Its not really a cage, more of a hutch sort of thing. First off we got another wooden crate, then built some little compartments. One was for sleeping, one was for food (I am planning to ask Mimi for two little bowls, one for food, one for water) and another for exercise, or fun. Its got a whole load of ramps and tunnels and ladders in it. So has the sleeping area. Well, not a whole load. It has a platform with a little house sort of thing on top, with a ladder leading up to it. The "house" is filled with straw for Rosie and Jim to nestle in and so is below the platform.

Then, with Hagrids help, I carved a stencil saying Home Sweet Home for Rosie and Jim, then painted it onto one side.

I was pretty pleased with that. And grateful to both Hagrid and James for helping. I gave them both a hug. Hagrid went quite red, but James looked pleased.

I introduced Rosie and Jim to their hew home as soon as we got back to Gryffindor. Unfortunately, because of the staircase rule, James couldn't be there, but I gave him a commentary on their explorations afterwards.

**28th Dec**

Played with Rosie and Jim today. They make such a cute couple! I think Ebony is getting jealous, but she knows to stay away from them. I'll buy her some catnip to make up for it.

**29th Dec**

We went down to Hogsmeade today, where I spent a vast majority of my Christmas money.

7th Years are allowed on their own, but they have to have permission from their Head of House. McGonagoll let us go.

It was only me, James, Sirius and Rachel. Anna had a cold, so she didn't want to come, so Remus stayed behind to keep her company. I thought that was so sweet.

Sirirus bought a massive stack of fireworks for New Years Eve. I told him that Muggles have them, and he thought it was a good idea. James bought a crate of Butterbeer, and me and Rachel bought a mass of sweets. We are planning to have a celebration on New Years Eve, in case you haven't guessed.

First off we went to The Toy Box - a shop that sells a selection of 'magical gifts for young and old' - where Rachel and I bought a cute blue flop-eared rabbit that squeaks 'We Love You' when you squeeze its tummy. Cheesy, I know, but we think it'll make her feel better.

Then we (meaning Rachel and I - the boys waited outside) trekked into Gisele's (the shop that supplied me with my Ball dress).

'Ah! Lily! Rachel!' smiled Gisele when she saw us. 'Did ze dresses do ze trick?'

'Definitely.' I replied. 'See that one out there? Black hair and glasses?' I said, looking through a rack of jeans. 'That's James, my boyfriend.'

Gisele peered out of the window. 'Eh… I see ze black hair, but no glasses.' he strong French accent sounded uncertain. 'Are you sure?'

'Yeah, there's two of them. One has glasses, the other doesn't.' I said, joining her at the window. I looked out. Sirius was leaning against the front of Magical Diamonds, but James wasn't there. 'Huh. Where is he?' said Rachel, holding a fluffy purple sweater and a pair of jeans.

'Dunno. Not far probably.' I said turning back to the rails of clothing.

An hour later I was laden with bags. I had a bought a new top to wear on New Years Eve (black off the shoulder style made of floaty material and studded with sequins - so-o-o-o-o sexy!) and a denim miniskirt (which I'm not going to wear New Years Eve, I just liked it a lot) and some white and red sneakers. I also bought some toys for Rosie and Jim, and a catnip ball for Ebony.

As we sat around a table in The Three Broomsticks, I noticed Sirius and Rachel really hitting off. She was laughing at one of his jokes, and I realized this was the happiest I'd seen her in a long time.

**30th Dec**

Anna loved her bunny!

**New Years Eve - 7pm**

It is all set up - a party for the Gryffindor Christmas Lodgers (aka US!). Sweets, cakes, crisps, sandwiches and Butterbeer. Soooooo nice!

**Still New Years Eve - 11.27pm**

Around ten we got bored of sitting around and eating, so we played Spin the Bottle! I can't deny that the results were not satisfactory…

I got dared first to draw a moustache on a portrait of Sir Ramsey Poight. Then, I had to stuff 30 Every Flavour Beans in my mouth (luckily I got to spit them out afterwards, there is no way on earth I would have been able to chew all those by next Christmas!).

But the best one, and possibly most risky, was me and James had to go along the corridor to the cleaning cupboard and do whatever we wanted for seven whole minutes. That was Anna's idea. She watches far too many American TV programmes in the holidays. Apparantly it's a game called Seven Minutes in Heaven that she stole the idea from. Whatever.

So James and I went into the closet and closed the door. There was no light. We sort of sat there for a couple of seconds, in silence.

'What will happen if we get caught?' I asked James.

'Dunno.' he said. 'Probably we'll get strung up by our ankles in the dungeons until we rot away.'

I laughed.

'So,' continued James, brushing my hair away. 'I'd better give you something to remember me by…'

I swear that was the most magical seven minutes of my whole life. I think we even got to second base.

**New Years Day - 0.19**

OMG! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

So after we'd finished with Spin the Bottle, we set up the fireworks, ready for midnight, with some left over Christmas crackers as well, we all sat on the squishy armchairs in a circle around the fireworks, with Anna's radio tuned in to the WWWN (Witch and Wizard Wireless Network), listening to the songs as they finally counted up to midnight. And when it struck midnight, Sirius let off the fireworks with a wave of his wand, and we all cheered, pulling crackers and watching the fireworks dance around the room.

Naturally, James and I were sharing a chair, and proceeded to play tonsil-tennis when New Years Day came about.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

When we had pulled apart, James dug around in his pocket and pulled out this little box and handed it to me.

'What's this?'

'Open it.'

I pulled the lid off, and stared incredulously at the contents.

'What's this for?'

He looked uncomfortably embarrassed. 'Well, you know.. I thought you might like it. It represents our first official date thing or something. I'm not very good with this romantic stuff.'

'What are you talking about? This is great! Thank you so much!' I swooped down on him and showed my thanks.

Then I clipped a silver bracelet around my wrist and stared at the tiny silver charms on it - a bat, a cat and a broomstick. Hallowe'en. Very appropriate.

Get it?


	10. The Newbie

**January 1st**

I have decided on my New Year's resolution - to become a nicer, sweeter, happier person. It's going to be hard work.

**January 2nd**

I have also decided that Peter Pettigrew is an idiot.

**January 3rd**

Professor Dumbledore summoned me to his office a few minutes ago. Apparently there's a new girl transferring from Finland to Hogwarts. He didn't say why, but he asked me to look out for her when she arrives. Sounds cool.

**January 4th**

The snow is melting! I'm outside by the lake with Rachel, Anna, James and Sirius. We're just talking and having the occasional snowball fight, except when I'm writing.

Anna has just given me her gloves, in fear of my fingers getting cold. When I explained to her that I can't write with gloves on, she took them back and performed a tricky little charm that cut all of the fingertips off the gloves, so I can write and keep warm!

Anna is the most sweetest, wonderful, generous, intelligent, beautiful, gracious, enchanting friend I have ever had the fortune to have. That was written upon her dictation, and she seems satisfied enough now.

Ha, Rachel is trying to offer me the fluffy scarf I gave her for her birthday, but it does not have the same effect as Anna's generosity. Nice try, Rachel, but that's not gonna work!

Although, when James offered to put his arm round me to save me from freezing, how could I resist?

It is a thoroughly amazing thought that I am now sitting in the snow in front of Sirius' ingenious blue flames in a jam jar, with James Potters arm around me. I really have changed my ideas about him. He's not that bad a guy after all. Well, the way he kisses, who would say anything else?

**January 4th**

**Later**

Did I mention how _nice _James smells? I know it's a weird thing to say, but I expected all boys to reek of sweat and bad deodorant. But James has a nice, soap-like clean smell about him.

Oh, damn, is _my_ deodorant working?

**January 6th**

**Breakfast**

I was called to Dumbledore's office again. James promised to keep my pancakes warm, which they are.

I strode towards the stone gargoyle, and it sprung to life as I said the password (Liquorice Wands), and climbed the stairs. I like gargoyles, I've decided. They're really unusual, but cool all the same.

Just like what was waiting in Dumbledore's office.

A girl my age was sitting quietly in mid-conversation with Dumbledore. She had sleek, shiny black hair that fell to her waist, dark hazel-grey eyes and a nice smile. She pushed her glasses up her nose, and reminded me vaguely of Remus. A trunk and a caged hawk owl were on the floor beside her.

Dumbledore smiled when he saw me. He was resting his chin on his fingertips and surveying the girl with interest. I sat down.

'Right. Introductions first, don't you think? This is Naomi Daniels,' Dumbledore told me, gesturing towards the girl. 'And this is Lily Evans.' He told Naomi, nodding at me.

I smiled at Naomi. She looked nervous.

'Would you care for a sherbet lemon?' asked Dumbledore. 'They're a Muggle sweet I've grown rather fond of.' I took one from the bowl he held out and sat sucking.

'I've summoned you to my office, Miss Evans, because, after my little chat with Naomi, she was Sorted (in a rather more private fashion than the first years) into Gryffindor.'

I grinned at Naomi. She smiled back rather sheepishly.

'I want you, as Head Girl, to be a sort of, tour guide, if you must. Show Naomi around for her first week or so, and help her get settled in. I understand perfectly if you two do not become best of friends, but I would like to request that you do this for me, Miss Evans, with no complaint, about Miss Daniels or otherwise.'

'Sure. No problem.'

'Excellent. I am afraid I will have to leave you to it, as there is a rather unpleasant letter I have to reply to before tomorrow for the Ministry of Magic. Good day. Oh, and Miss Daniels, I will have someone take your trunk and owl to your dorm later on.'

'Bye, Professor.' I said, turning and leading Naomi into the magical world of Hogwarts.

OK, not really into the magical world of Hogwarts, just into a corridor where some Slytherin third year's had let of a couple of hundred Dungbombs. But still, a girl can be hopeful, right?


	11. Introductions and Compliments

**Still January 6th**

**Lunch**

Introductions take _forever_.

Sirius was giving Naomi the good old eye, but she didn't seem to notice. Anna and Rachel seemed to have adopted her as part of our elite. She looked a bit more comfortable when we wee just sitting, relaxing and talking.

James, however, wasn't there. He'd had Quidditch practice in the morning, and came in dripping mud and snow all over the place, but nevertheless happy to see me. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and told him about Naomi, who he could see over the heads of a group of twittering second years.

'Cute chick. You might have a bit of competition, Lily.' he joked. I slapped his arm playfully.

'Cheek!'

At least, I think he was joking. OMG, what if he wasn't? What if he was serious? I really doubt it, but WHAT IF HE WAS?

Consultation required.

**January 7th**

I am such an obsessive person. Anna and Rachel think I'm safe. Naomi actually burst out laughing when I told her.

'What?' I asked, dubiously. 'Am I missing something?'

'No, it's just I'm not… well, popular in that area of life. I've only had a few boyfriends, and even then they weren't as obsessed as James is about you.'

I smiled. 'That's so sweet!' I was secretly thrilled. 'Thank you! And don't worry, Patrick Finnigan was eyeing you up a bit when I introduced you in the common room, and he's not bad.'

'Really? The guy in the red armchair? I thought he was cute.' A smile pondered over her face as she adjusted her glasses absent mindedly. I saw her eyes wander towards Patrick's chair.

He's one of our sort of hi-bye friends. He's half-Irish, but is pretty good for a laugh if you need cheering up. He's always smiling, but I noticed his smile broaden when he caught Naomi looking at him.

I can tell that Anna and Rachel like her, and so do I. We discovered that she's in our dorm! Great! Well, we realised when an extra bed had appeared, and her hawk owl's cage was beside her bed. That's where we are now, while James is at Quidditch practice and Sirius and Remus are conducting a chess tournament amongst some eager fourth years. I think Sirius is collecting bets for it, but I really can't be bothered to tell him off. Besides, there's always blackmail…

I am really sorry, journal, but Rachel's parents sent her a fondue set for Christmas, and the chocolate has almost melted, so I guess duty calls.

Bye for now!

**January 9th**

I haven't been down to see Hagrid for a while. Am going to go now.

**Later**

Helped Hagrid across the grounds this morning. It was a good day. I helped make a new pen for the school roosters. The, Hagrid and I sat in his cabin for a while, Fang drooling onto my knees. We talked about school, and I told him about Naomi.

'I just hope she settles in OK, and gets to class and everything, and can do the work.'

'You're gonna make a fine witch, Lily.' he said. 'You're gonna be one 'o the greatest. I can tell.'

I couldn't help but smile.


	12. Disaster Strikes

**January 12th**

It's Petunia's birthday today. I sent her some Tooth Flossing String Mints, and some Willowing Water Lilies. Ha. I forgot to tell her that when you water them too much, they squirt water at you. She always waters things too much so they droop and drown and die.

We've invited Patrick to come hang with us at the lake today. Well, I've invited him, but Naomi is oblivious to the fact. I just told her to dress in her best clothes because it's the only time people will see you looking good and notice you. Blatant lie, she's gorgeous, so everyone notices her anyway. Especially Patrick.

I have to admit, I went out with him in the fourth year. He dumped me for Gwenyth Jones in Hufflepuff. But now he's single, and I think I gots a little more matchmaking to conjure up… Of course Love Potions are banned at Hogwarts, but I did find a tricky little spell called the Rose-Tinted-Glasses Enchantment, so the "wearer" of the glasses sees the other as perfect, but against my better judgement, I decided not to use it. Love is a tricky little game and you got to catch it with both hands.

AUTHORS NOTE - I AM SKIPPING AHEAD BECAUSE I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO WRITE ABOUT. IT IS NOW APRIL AND A MONTH UNTIL THE N.E.W.T EXAMS. NAOMI AND PATRICK ARE GOING OUT AND ANNA AND REMUS HAVE BROKEN UP. LILY AND JAMES ARE TOGETHER AS ALWAYS THOUGH. ANY IDEAS/CRITICISM WOULD BE APPRECIATED. READERS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND PLEASE TELL PEOPLE ABOUT MY FANFIC! THNK U ALL! XxX

**April 15th**

James is unusually quiet today. He got a letter, which after reading, he left the breakfast table and didn't return to see any of us until dinner. Even Sirius doesn't know what is going on. He won't talk to anyone about it.

**April 17th**

This is so great. It's my birthday tomorrow, and I have a mock Defence Against The Dark Arts NEWT tomorrow! How unfair is that? But we're going to Hogsmeade today - give people a chance to get me a birthday present, if they haven't done already…

I wonder what James is getting me… I've reminded him often enough. Of course, my Hallowe'en charm bracelet rarely leaves my wrist. Maybe he'll get me some more charms?

He keeps getting this look on his face, as if he's annoyed with me. With everyone. It hurts a little, but I'm sure its nothing. It's being going on for a couple of days now though. Ever since he got a letter. But, if something was bugging him, he'd tell me right away.

Right?

He missed most of the lessons on the 14th. Said he was in Dumbledore's office. He didn't say anything, but I could tell he'd been crying.

But I decided not to say anything.

We're all going now, to Hogsmeade. Write later.

**Later**

How can he be so stupid? I feel as if I could really pull his stupid fat lip over his head and make him swallow it. I really could. I mean, what is so great about Quidditch? Yeah, so what if he caught the Snitch within five minutes of the start of the match? SO WHAT? He doesn't have to entertain a bunch of simpering girls and act like I'm not even THERE let alone him act as if we're not going out.

And he didn't even notice! I was pretty disappointed but hid it as we walked to the Hogs Head for a Butterbeer. And even then he just sat there and mooched about, shrugging me off

Until Snape came along.

'Well, well' he said softly as he passed. 'If it isn't Potter and the Mudblood.'

James and Sirius stood up sharply.

'What did you say?' growled Sirius.

Madam Rosmerta was eyeing them beadily. James had noticed.

'Whoops,' leered Snape. 'Seems I've struck a nerve.'

'What the hell did you say about Lily?' demanded James angrily. I sensed his resentment and stood up beside him.

'Temper, temper.' mocked Snape playfully, a snide grin hovering over his face. His posse of cronies sniggered appropriately.

'If you want to say anything about me, you can say it to my face, Snape.' I said defiantly.

'You must be desperate. Is Evans the only one you've got to stand up for you because you can't do it yourself?' Snape's grin spread broadly. 'I would have thought that the legendary James Potter would have been able to pull a lot more than a filthy little Mudblood.'

Remus stood up and held back James. Sirius snarled and leapt on Snape. My drink dropped from my hand as I raised my hand.

SMACK. Snape's nose cracked under my flailing fist. I heard a crunch of satisfaction as Sirius sunk his fist into Snape's stomach.

'Enough! Enough! All of you!' shrieked Madam Rosmerta sending Snape flying backwards with a flick of her wand. Sirius stopped punching thin air and stood, rocking slightly and breathing heavily. I caught my breath and stared at James. He avoided my eye.

'The lot of you are barred! Out! Get out of my pub!' yelled Madam Rosmerta. 'I will not tolerate this behaviour! I am sending an owl to Professor Dumbledore directly! Out, I say!'

Snape stood up gingerly. I strode past the many tables and out of the door. I could hear Naomi running to catch up with me.

'What was that all about?' she said, running to keep up with me.

'You saw.'

'Hey, hey! Wait up.'

I stopped.

'First off, what's a Mudblood? And secondly, what's going on with you and James? You gave him the dirtiest evils I've seen in a long time.'

We sat on a nearby bench and I explained what was going on. She looked at me. She understood, I could tell.

Suddenly, a shadow fell over us.

'What did you do that for, Lily?' It was James.

'Do what?'

'I was taking care of it, then you went and got yourself involved for no reason! I can stand up for myself you know.'

I stared at him with disbelief.

'So you think Snape's right? You think I'm just some filthy little Mudblood of no real importance to anyone? You think I'm just going to stand there and let Snape insult me and my family? And you? What the hell are you playing at? You've been acting like I don't even matter! Today, for example, it was like I didn't exist! Those girls at Honeydukes, when you were bragging about your stupid Quidditch triumphs, and then there in the pub…!'

He looked mad. His glasses were askew and his hair was even more messed up than usual. Angry red blotches had appeared on his cheeks.

'Stupid Quiddicth triumphs? How can you say that? You don't know anything about Quidditch!'

'You're right, Potter. Absolutely right.'

By this time I was on my feet. Remus, Sirius, peter, Anna, Rachel and Naomi were staring at me and James with incredulity.

'I don't know anything, do I?' I continued into the silence as James stood with his mouth half open. I don't know about Quidditch. I don't know about Defence Against the Dark Arts. But I've got people to help me with those things. But I've got no-one to help me with you, Potter. Because I don't know anything about you. I don't know why you've changed, why you don't seem to care about me any more. But, guess what? I do know one thing. I kinda _always_ knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend.'

With that, I turned and ran back up to the castle. I'd held back the tears at Hogsmeade, but as I threw myself onto my four-poster, they came without any hesitation.


	13. A Remarkable Discovery

**April 18th**

Officially not talking to James. I have no idea what our couple status is. Maybe I was a little harsh…

**April 20th**

He caught me staring at him today. I looked away quickly, but I could feel my cheeks burning although I was determined not to let him see.

Anna, Rachel and Naomi think I'm being stubborn. As I said, journal, in September, us redheads have immensely fiery tempers.

**April 23rd**

I really don't feel like writing.

**May 2nd**

I'm sorry, sorry, sorry I haven't written for ages. The teachers have piled so much crappy revision sheets and homework on us, and on top of revising, there is barely time to sleep. And, Remus has been continuing our study sessions, so that's another couple of hours of my week taken up.

But, there is another Hogsmeade trip announced for the 12th May…

**May 5th **

I have a potions mock tomorrow. Must remember that the ratio for lacewings to beazor stones in the Pensiergo Draught is 3:5½…

**May 7th**

Sirius tried to reasonably suggest that I meet up with James at Hogsmeade. I said no straight out, but at dinner I did notice Sirius whispering something that look slightly like the words 'She said NO', so maybe he does actually want to see me…..

**May 9th**

Then again, maybe not.

All I did was say hi, and he blatantly ignored me!

I think I'm going to cry…

**May 12th**

I am exhausted. I've been up practically all night doing revision. I can barely sit up high enough to reach the porridge this morning.

Anna has just knocked over her goblet of pumpkin juice. Several feet of white linen is now orange.

'Lily. Look. Look.'

She points to the Daily Prophet article she's reading.

'Third page. Just read it.'

I turn, bewildered to the third page. An article on the Wailin' Warlocks manager is splashed across the page. Anna points to a tiny box on the bottom right corner.

' " An investigation has been launched into the deaths of Archibald and Georgina Potter, after their mutilated bodies were found by a Muggle citizen in their home town. The highly respected ministry employees were found on the morning of April 14th, just days after Horace Green went missing from guard duty at the Department of Mysteries. The Minister of Magic, Austin Krebbetts has released no official statement about the cause of death or reason why. 'All we can say is at this stage, questioning from various witnesses about activity concerning the Dark Lord, that the regrettable deaths of Mr and Mrs Potter and the recent absence of Mr Green cannot be denied as connected.'

James, the Potter's only child, is currently attending his final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, under the watchful eye of Albus Dumbledore. Neither of them were available for comment. Story filed by Iona Button, May 12th." '

I stared at the page with utter shock, horror and disbelief.

'What the hell?' I whispered in astonishment, staring at James as he smiled grimly at a laughing Sirius.


	14. Things Get Serious

**Still May 12th**

**Late**

It's amazing what wonders Hogsmeade works for your relationships.

So, me and Naomi went off together into Honeydukes. I showed her all of the different types of sweets. I'd just reached into a jar of Spitting Monkey's when someone banged into me. I turned and muttered 'sorry' in their vague direction.

'Are you?' I tilted my head and faced James Potter.

'Yes, I am.'

'Really? Because I don't care whose fault it is. I just want you back again.'

'Really?'

'Yes, really.' He suddenly smiled. I realised it was the first time he had smiled in days. 'Can we go somewhere and talk?'

'Um… OK.'

I scanned the crowd for Naomi. She caught my eye and grinned. She was with Patrick and Rachel.

And we sat on the stile near Deverish and Bangs and talked for a while.

'Did you see the Daily Prophet this morning?' he asked me. I stared at the floor. A ladybug was crawling its way through the grass and dry mud, pausing occasionally.

'Yeah, I did. I read the article.' I couldn't bring myself to look at him. 'I'm sorry. It probably doesn't mean much, but I am anyway.'

'Thanks. They were great people, you know.'

'Yeah, I figured, since they were related to you.'

He smiled slightly. 'I'm sorry if you thought I was ignoring you. I was messed up those days and I'm sorry.'

'It's OK. I'm sorry for having a go at you, as well.'

'I guess that's OK then, so we're both sorry.'

'Yeah.'

I couldn't think of a more imaginative response.

But he could.

**May 13th**

Naomi and I are still in bed, eating M+M's. Well, I am. She's trying to find her glasses. M+M's make good breakfasts. Very good. I now have bits of sweet enamel stuck in my teeth and my breath probably reeks. But anyway.

I'm sort of bored today. Nothing much to do.

An owl is tapping at the window. Investigation required.

**Still May 13th**

Dumbledore wants me in his office at 1. I wonder why that is.

**Later**

OMG. James was there, and Sirius and Remus and Peter and Naomi. But Rachel and Anna weren't.

Dumbledore summoned us all into his office. There were six chairs set out at his desk for us, and one large one for himself. Fawkes was there, looking as magnificent as ever.

Dumbledore looked serious.

'As you are full aware, this is you last year at Hogwarts. Or, if you are Naomi, your only year.' He smiled slightly at her.

'When you leave the school you will be headed into the outside world. Most of you will have jobs. Maybe you will work for the Ministry of Magic. Maybe not. But I highly doubt any one of you will stoop to as work for a certain Dark Lord that we all know about.

'Voldemort is becoming very powerful. Over the years he has built up a support of more people than we will ever know about.

'The Ministry disagrees with me when I say something must be done. They are scared, scared of what could be the outcome. They feel that if left alone, they won't get involved with Voldemort and his supporters.

'However, that is untrue. Voldemort has gotten involved with us, whether the Ministry likes it or not. And I feel, as Headmaster of this school, and Citizen of this world, that we can't just stand by and let Voldemort take over.

'For some time now I have been involved with the set-up of something called the Order of the Phoenix. This is, or will be, a group of witches and wizards such as yourselves that are capable of helping track down Voldemort and trace his actions and the like. In the long run, provide a service to destroy him

Everyone was silent.

'James. I beg your forgiveness for bringing them up, but your parents death was not a result of Ministry malfunction. Someone wanted this to happen, and that someone was Voldemort. Your parents were highly respected people, and had a great deal of connections. My guess is,' said Dumbledore bitterly, 'that they were tortured until they accepted an invitation to join Voldemort. However, as brave and wise your parents were, their dignity could not save them. Voldemort gets rid of anyone in his way.'

'So what I'm saying is, if you are interested, I would like you to join the Order of the Phoenix. Each of you possess quality assets that would be highly useful to a company of this great inevitability.'

'But why us?' asked Sirius. 'You full well know what my family are like.'

A scowl appeared on his face. I'd actually never heard Sirius talk about his family openly before. I listened carefully.

'You have a very interesting background, Mr Black. That could prove useful to our causes.'

'So what you're saying is I could be used to spy on Voldemort?'

'Not at all, Mr Black. In the long run, all would be explained later. But as I said before, you have many quality assets that would be valuable to the cause.'

'What about me?' I blurted out. 'I'm a Muggle-born, I'm no good for that sort of thing.'

'Exactly, you are Muggle-born. You are perfect for this organization. For we need an insight into the Muggle world. Having achieved a high standard grade for Muggle Studies, and studying their behaviour intensively I have a fairly accurate idea of their life and fears. But, alas, I am as you say 'pure-blood' so I can't really accumulate with this.'

'And how about me?' said Remus resentfully. 'You know what I am.'

I was confused. What?

'Naturally, Mr Lupin, we would have to keep an eye on you at all costs, but you're lack of inhumane nature does not put us off at all.'

'And why me?' said Naomi. 'I've only been here a couple of months.'

'Exactly. Foreign connections are beneficial to an association of this great nature.'

'You've explained why we _should_ be in, but you haven't really explained why you _want_ us in.' said Sirius. As an afterthought, he added, 'I that makes sense.'

'At this stage, nothing can be said for certain. You are all capable people, and if you are interested, I would be eternally grateful for your signature.'

Dumbledore drew a fresh sheet of parchment from one of his desk drawers and unearthed a quill from somewhere.

I noticed the only person to have said nothing at all, and to sign the paper last was Peter Pettigrew. He looked highly uncomfortable.

I signed the parchment.

'Now, I must tell you that having signed this, you cannot and must not repeat anything that was aid in this room to anyone outside of these four walls. I can assure you, if my trust is betrayed, I will know about it. Good day.'

At that, we left, me feeling slightly disconcerted.


End file.
